I’ve found my happiness

Oh hey! Who knows how many people are still subscribed but I just wanted to pop in and give a little update. Last I left you, I was beyond happy with where I had ended up for school. I am happy to say that this remained for the rest of the year. If any of you followed my blog last year, you know how miserable I was at my previous college. My depression was at an all time low and I didn’t feel the need to go on anymore. But I decided to give it another try and go to a different school in a whole different state. Best decision ever.

The friends I made are friends I will have for life. I could not have asked for a better college community. I love my major and all the professors in the department. I got a job and my managers/fellow employees are amazing. Overall, I’m happy.

Happiness is something I seemed to be so close, yet so far away from for the longest time. Everyday isn’t going to be rainbows and butterflies. Whoever says this is full of shit. You’re going to wake up with days where you just feel ‘blah.’ You aren’t going to always get stellar grades. But hey, life goes on. There is always another day and your family and friends will still love you.

But what’s most important is that you still love yourself on these ‘off’ days.

I still do. I know that the down feeling I have isn’t permanent and that I have the power to change it. So that’s exactly what I do. I change.

The eating disorder controlled my life for way to long. I was so scared of saying enough was enough. I mean, it was a part of me…how was I supposed to just let that go?? It’s not easy. You don’t wake up one morning saying, “Hey! I’m gonna eat a double bacon cheeseburger, fries, and a milk shake!” No. That doesn’t happen. The process of recovering is slow. Very very slow. At times, it may seem so slow that you just want to throw in the towel. But don’t do that! It’s so worth it!

I’m eating things that I never thought I would eat again. Butter, ice cream, beef, cheese, pastries, bacon, french fries. Now, you make look at this list and think it’s unhealthy. But to be honest, I have never felt healthier. I may not be able to run 8 miles like I used to but I am happy. My jeans still fit. I haven’t weighed myself in about two years. I went from weighing myself everyday (sometimes twice) to not weighing myself in over two years.

Mentally fit > Physically fit

I’m sure there will be people who don’t agree with me on that one but I’m sorry, it’s true. I’ve learned this the hard way. I used to make myself go on runs and now, I honestly am not a big fan of running. I pushed myself too far for too long. It got to me.

All right I’ve rambled for too long. But I just wanted to get this off my chest. I also wanted to say that I probably won’t be going back to blogging. I feel like way too many “healthy” living blogs are disordered. That doesn’t mean all of them! Some of them are just so…sad to read. You read them and think, “YOU DON’T NEED TO LIVE THIS WAY!” But then you remember how stubborn disordered people are. I know, I was there. (God bless my family for being so patient with me.)

Eat a burger, have fun with friends and family, don’t stress about working out, and just live life. It’s really and truly beautiful once you go out and live it. Take a leap of faith, it’s worth it.


13 thoughts on “I’ve found my happiness

  1. Hey girl,
    I read your blog last year and could really relate to your struggles. I am truly glad that you have found happiness again. Best wishes for the future 🙂

  2. I’m still here, yeah you had some depressing posts last year, but it was a depressing time so I get that. I do miss your posts! I’m glad things went well at your new school (I saw a few facebook posts that looked like they were going well), and that things are going well overall. It’s great that you’ve learned how to have a more balanced approach too!

  3. YAY! I’ve seen facebook posts so I know you’ve been doing REALLY well – glad to hear it here too. You’re right, life is too short to not eat the things you love and do the things you enjoy – and I totally support you stepping away from blogging – go live life!

  4. I’m really glad things are so great for you. You always look like you’re having so much fun in your facebook posts! Keep living and enjoying life!

  5. I’m glad things are going so well for you lately! And I completely agree with the things you’ve said here. It’s so important to take a step back from blogging and see the bigger picture – there’s so much more to life than working out, eating “clean” and blogging about it. I’m glad we’ve both been able to discover that! 🙂

  6. I am so happy for you Hayley! I’ve followed you on Twitter since you stopped blogging and have loved seeing the changes in you. You seem so much happier (and healthier!). You’ve made such great strides toward living your best life possible and I applaud you for sticking with it, even through the tough parts. Truly inspiring. 🙂

  7. I love you,Haley – for your honesty,your realistic statements,for just being you.
    Thank you so much,you STILL are a huge inspiration and I am seriously beyond happy for you!
    Keep it up! 🙂

  8. Haley! SO good to hear an update from you! Even better to hear that things have been going so well for you. It sounds like you’re in a really phenomenal place, and having read your blog last year and knowing you were in the opposite of a phenomenal place for most of it, I’m so glad that things have turned around for you. I hope you continue to find your happiness throughout the summer and upcoming school years 🙂

  9. So good to hear from you, Haley. Great post, and love love love hearing how happy you are!!! Your blog was/is my fave and your blogging ‘legacy’ continues to inspire me every day. We’ll miss you!!!!!!

  10. I’m glad to hear you are still doing well and are happy! Screw what other people say about mental over physical fitness. It’s whatever is best for you!

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