Well, I did it…

I’ve talked about fear foods before, and most all of them contain fats. Avocados, nuts, nut butters, coconut, oil, butter, ice cream, cheese, etc.

-Avocados (Eaten on a daily basis)
-Nuts (I flippin’ love me a handful of walnuts)
-Nut Butters (Peanut butter=my life)
-Coconut (Love adding this to fro yo)
-Oil (Always roast my veggies with it)

Now onto the last three: butter, ice cream, and cheese. All dairy products with fat. They scare the s*#@ out of me, to be quite honest. But I did something I never thought I would do…I ate those foods.

We went to dinner at Whole Foods one night and of course, we did some shopping afterwards. I usually buy Earth Balance coconut spread for my butter but then I saw this Organic Valley butter. My eyes drifted to the bakery case and I saw a cranberry pecan roll. The butter went into my cart, followed by the roll. Later on, I ate that roll AND the butter. And let me tell you something, it was delicious. Delicious, as in, butter is too good not to pass up on a freshly baked roll. Delicious, as in, butter isn’t gonna kill me so bring it on.

Ice Cream
Three Twins Ice Cream was on sale at Whole Foods so my mom got the Mint Confetti flavor. When we got home, I tried a spoonful and man oh man. It was awesome. So I grabbed a bowl, and said, “Eff you ED.” Ice cream will be back, for sure.

Ususally, when I make my egg scrambles, I add avocado for some sort of fat. But when I made it the other day, I realized part way through that there was no avocados left (which should be a crime). So I went with another plan in order to get some sort of fat: string cheese. I cut it up and added it to the scramble so it got all melty. Tasted uhhhmazing.

I don’t even know what to say to all this. To be honest, I’m speechless. If you would have asked me a year ago, heck a couple months ago, if I would eat these foods, the answer would one big NO. But everything in my life at this point is going really well. I’m happy. I didn’t feel the need to throw up or exercise those foods that I ate and that’s saying a lot for how far I’ve come.

Am I scared for the future? Heck yes I am. I have no idea what Texas holds for me. I am going into the new school year a much different person than last year. I’m more aware of who I am as a person. I don’t feel the need to make anybody happy, but myself. And looking back, I couldn’t have said that a couple of months ago. I don’t care how many roadblocks I have to run into in order to reach that happiness, but I will do it. Some day, some how. But for now, I’m good with where I’m at.

35 thoughts on “Well, I did it…

  1. I am soooo super proud of you,Haley!! You are so strong,and I hope you’ve realized this yourself by now…
    P.S. I also re-discovered ice cream for myself lately… I’ve had it every day since,seriously. πŸ˜›

  2. Girl, I’m so proud of you! What awesome goals you’ve finally achieved!! i’m hoping you did treat yourself to some frozen yogurt as well πŸ™‚

  3. WOW Haley!!! OMG this makes me so happy an proud! This really is a complete 180 from where you were this time last year, when I started reading your blog. HUGE change. I can’t really even pinpoint an exact moment, but I remember you having a lot of little victories, a lot of setbacks, a lot of realizations, and doing a lot of challenging things and it alllll brought you here! This is awesome especially β€œI don’t need to make anyone happy but myself” – more than I can say for myself right now, so thank you for being a huge inspiration and a kick in the butt!! Oh and congrats on the actual fear-food eating too! I find myself in this ironic position that most of my fear-foods, I’m ready to eat them…but now I physically can’t digest them. whether that’s because I’ve gone so long without them who knows, but ice cream, baked goods with gluten…I actually had a piece of my aunt’s chocolate pound cake the other night, was proud of myself for eating a traditionally-baked baked good (i.e. with white flour and butter and shit)……and promptly spent the night vomiting (against my will). FML. Definitely still going to try conquering these things in forms i CAN digest though – gluten free baked goods and dairy-free ice cream, the calorie counts and nutritional stats aren’t all that different from the regular versions so bring them on!!

  4. I wish I could hug you right now– you have no idea how happy I am for you friend!!! πŸ˜€ You’ve truly matured in your recovery and there’s no doubt in my mind that you’re gonna reach your ultimate potential when you come down here to Tejas. I can’t wait to see what God has in store for you!!

  5. Ahhh I’m so proud of you girl!!! Fatty dairy products were really hard for me to start eating again too, so I know what a HUGE step this is! πŸ˜€

  6. This is so awesome. So so so awesome! I’m still weird about butter and oils for some reason but when I do have them on bread or something, it’s soooo good. Thanks for reminding me to keep working on it, and congrats to you for making steps in the right direction!

  7. SO happy for you Haley! You have come so far and should be so proud of all you have overcome and accomplished!

  8. To echo everyone else here, I am rather proud of you to say the least Haley! I know how so very hard it is to face fear foods, eat them, acknowledge how terrible and guilty you feel in the moment, but then realize that everything is going to be a-okay! In fact, you are doing amazing things for both your mind and body. Ahh great job πŸ™‚

  9. Hey! I just stumbled upon your blog and it is great! I used to struggle with an ED for pretty much all of my college life, so i know how hard it can be to do something that’s scary like testing your fear foods, no matter how easy is seems to other people. Amazing!!!

  10. That’s so awesome that you were able to eat all of these fear foods and conquer them- everything in moderation, including moderation ;). Plus, it’s not like you gorged yourself on them, you just listened to your body and ate, which is really awesome.

    That roll looks delicious too, I need to get back to Whole Foods soon (it’s like 20 minutes from me, eek!)

  11. Kudos Haley!!! I am so happy for you! I swear, there is actually nothing better than just some warm bread + butter. It is such a simple combo, but so satisfying πŸ™‚

  12. You are so amazing and inspirational!! I was so happy reading this – you should be so so proud of yourself girl! πŸ™‚

    Melted butter on a warm role is just one of the most comforting and tasty things to eat and I love ice cream so I’m really glad that you can enjoy it again! Seriously I think this is wonderful and I just sat here grinning after you said all of those positive things at the end of this post πŸ˜€

  13. you go girl! you have to be SO proud of your self, your body, your mind, EVERYTHING. I remember how liberating it felt the first time I ate fresh baked bread dipped in olive oil. Used to be a huge fear food for me, and once I let myself believe that it was okay, I felt just so relieved and felt that I could truly begin to enjoy life again. There is so much more to living than food/dieting. When you fuel your body properly (and I mean eating to satisfy both body and mind!), you can finally find the joy in your life. Trust me when I say every mini victory adds up to something wonderful! You’re doing such a great job πŸ˜€ keep it up and keep us posted!

  14. wow CONGRATS on facing your fears, you go girl! I have never really been a big butter fan but bring on the cheese and ice cream! I have those same dishes at home for eating ice cream πŸ™‚ and eggs without cheese? they’re just not the same…

  15. I seriously cannot put into words how proud I am of you. This post gave me chills. You have come SUCH a long way and you’ve clearly discovered that you’re stronger than you ever could have imagined. It’s amazing!
    Never forget how you’re feeling right now…especially when you’re in Texas and things seem foreign and stressful. Remember that YOU control every aspect of your life and you deserve to be happy and free!
    “I don’t feel the need to make anybody happy, but myself.” And that’s exactly how it should be!

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  18. I just got to your blog from Meg’s and want to say I am struggling with the fear foods the same way you are and am so proud of the fact that you faced these food fears and conquered them! I’ll hopefully be doing that this weekend:) Way to go girl!

  19. Great post! I love whole foods bakery rolls, and a pecan one sounds divine:) I’m having a journey bar giveaway right now- you should enter! They have a great Parmesan flavor up for grabs and the bar is still healthy:)

  20. CONGRATULATIONS. I’ve been a long time reader, but after reading this post I felt that I had to comment because congratulations are definitely in order. I know the euphoria you are experiencing after eating those fear foods, and it’s amazing to feel that you have overcome something that is always in the back of your mind, telling you that you should be afraid. I remember the day that I conquered my first fear food, and it’s an amazing experience. You have an AMAZING attitude, Haley. it took me a longggg time to get to the mindset that it seems like you currently have, and I love the outlook you have on things. Remember how you’re feeling right now, and bring that with you everywhere you go (especially texas!). You’re an amazing and funny girl (loveeee your little cartoons at the end of your posts), and no one can take that away from you. Keep up the good work girl!! ❀

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