another one of those “compliments”

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Unless somebody truly need to lose weight, I hate comments regarding one’s weight! First off, check out my first post about it here. Did you read it? Okay good. Now I’ll move on.

I was at work the other day talking to one of my coworkers. We were talking about being sore and he asked, “What did you do?” So I said, “I went to the gym yesterday and did some chest and tricep work and now I feel it.” His response: “Yeah, you look smaller.”

Ummm…what? I look smaller? So was I big before? Did I need to lose weight? Oh gosh, that means I was fat before. Clearly I need to go to the gym more. Those were all the ED thoughts that raced through my head.

But after those thoughts went through my mind, I was able to think rationally. It was a guy I was talking to. They have no idea what they are saying 95% of the time. I am happy with where I am, no matter what size. I don’t feel like I have lost weight. I don’t feel like I have gained weight. I feel happy.

During the ED: I would have taken that compliment and been on cloud 9. Then I would set out on a mission to become even “smaller.”

Now: I thought about what my coworker said for less than a minute, then I moved on. A size doesn’t define me. What defines me is who I am as a person and how I act. And you know what? I think I act as a pretty darn good person.

Have you ever received a compliment like that before?
How did you respond? 

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20 thoughts on “another one of those “compliments”

  1. ah compliments, hate them. for me, I so lack confidence that anyones words totally shakes me. I analyze them and totally over rationalize it. I wish I could take some compliments but they just play mind games with me.

  2. SUCH a great post. I think it’s all too easy to fall prey to ED again when this kind of stuff happens. But I really think you handled yourself well– it just goes to show how much you’ve grown and matured in recovery! So proud of you!! 🙂
    “I am happy with where I am, no matter what size. I don’t feel like I have lost weight. I don’t feel like I have gained weight. I feel happy.” <–And that, my friend is AWESOME 😀

  3. This is such a beautiful post! I usually over think compliments when it comes to the way I look. Like if someone says, “you look so good today!”, I always think …so I looked like crap yesterday? But especially when people say “You lost so much weight”, to me it’s as if they were saying “damn you were a cow before”. I need to learn to do is just accept compliments by saying “thank you!” rather than responding to the person by saying “You must be crazy” or denying them. Good job on continuously moving past your ED! 😀

  4. What a strange and irrational thing for him to say. A #1: one workout won’t change how you look and B #2: isn’t strength training generally associated with looking more toned, not smaller? Haha. But whatever.

    I think that’s awesome that you were able to take what he said in stride. I mean, I imagine he meant well by it, but what really matters is that you could move beyond it and not worry the (probably completely unintended) implications of what he said. Way to be, girl 🙂

  5. Smart — and well put. I think the fact that you can take what he said and see that it was stupid and not his place is a huge accomplishment. So many people take what others think to heart. The honest truth is when you work out and eat right FOR YOU in ways that serve YOU what others think truly doesn’t matter at all! Props, girl! 🙂

  6. I’ve been getting a few comments along those lines recently – although they’re not necessarily meant to be compliments. Sometimes they’re phrased nicely (“You really do look like a runner!”) which is fine by me, but yesterday I was told that I must have dropped a bit of weight because I looked like a starving African orphan… Umm, thanks? I’m going to agree with you – these types of “compliments” should be reserved for those trying to slim down in a healthy way.

  7. OMG I hate compliments like that!! To me OR someone else because you just NEVER KNOW what is going on with them. My sis used to have an ED so it REALLY bothers me. UGH I’m frustrated for you! lol

  8. Ugh I hate it when people comment on someone else’s weight – it’s none of their business! But that’s awesome that you handled the comment so well. I’m glad you didn’t overanalyze it and let it torment you! Because honestly, it doesn’t matter what other people think as long as you are happy with you! 🙂

  9. I think many people don’t realize how touchy others can be when their weight is at the center of attention, even if it’s in a positive light. What may seem like a compliment to the complimenter may be incredibly offensive or hurtful to the complimentee! (that’s not even a word 🙂 ). The key is to never over-think anything and just take things as they are. I’m a total over-thinker and it’s led to more stress and anxiety than I’d like to admit. The best you can do is to push it out of mind and keep on livin’!

  10. Compliments are weird for anyone struggling with an ED or in recovery… I know it’s really hard when someone tells me I look healthy because I almost always equate that with I look like I’ve gained weight. Then, you have people who don’t know that you have an ED who compliment you on your body, and depending on where you are in recovery, you either take that as a sign to lose more weight OR you think about how the person doesn’t know half the story because you have an ED and that’s why you’re the size you are.

    None of us are defined by size- I totally agree. The people who love me loved me at my lowest weight and my highest weight and none of them ever cared or paid attention!

  11. Men just really dont know what theyre talking about when it comes to women and their size. I’ve been told lots of things…at the same exact size, my boyfriend at the time told me he was worried i was too thin, and my best guy friend guessed my weight to be 130 pounds (which on a woman my height is borderline overweight). Lol see? Men are retards. Its hard not to take these things to heart and especially hard for me cuz i’m not vry comfortable in my owm skin, but as long as you are happy with yourself thats all that matters!

  12. Weight compliments are so slippery because some people really appreciate them and others do not. When I used to get them they really bothered me.
    And I thought men weren’t supposed to comment on women’s weight/size because it’s rude.

  13. Haha, it is so true — guys really don’t know what they’re saying 95% of the time. 😉 I find that when someone is complimenting someone else through that, they’re really not trying to be mean or anything — they’re just trying to be nice. So I just try not to focus on it and move on. But it really doesn’t matter what other think. If you are comfortable in your own skin, weight doesn’t matter — it’s just a number that a dial shows. If you love yourself for you, then nothing else matters.

  14. I hate those back handed compliments. I find that my bf sometimes fumbles with his words and when I ask him if I look bloated, like I do at the same time every month, lol, he never knows what to say. Then a few days ago he was just like, “yea you do”. And I shut up about it haha.

    But I also find that I get some back handed compliments from my non-running friends about my running. “Did you win? NO? Maybe next time…” Ummm, it’s not about “winning”…

  15. ughhh i totally feel you girl i HATE those types of comments!!!! like sometimes people would say your sooo skinny! then pinch me somewhere or feel me and be like- oh- wait your fine.
    it was terrible.

    so proud of you for just getting oveer it! who cares about other peoples opinions.. they are usually very careless anyways

  16. Haha boys really DON’T know what they’re saying half the time, haha. Yesterday my guy friend was like “Wow! Have you lost weight? You look so good!” And I was like “Wait, what? I haven’t… but… ok?” Awkward!

  17. back in the summer of junior year going into senior year of high school i became so obsessed with losing weight and strictly eating 1200 calories a day or less..everyone kept telling me how much “skinnier” i looked which only fueled the fire..still to this day its hard to resist the urge to restrict but i realize now i’d rather be healthy than essentially starve myself so people would give me the “skinny” compliments which are just stupid to say to anyone. and your right guys are stupid and don’t know what they’re saying 95% of the time lol

  18. I can’t stand when people make “compliments” like that. It’s unnecessary and quite plainly, it makes me wonder why we as a society have come to dwell so much on just calories and a number on the scale 😦 I know I’m probably a little hypersensitive to the matter, but still, I wish people would understand that there’s more to life than being skinny.

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