I’m a home body….and I’m okay with that

Yesterday at my therapy appointment, we talked more about getting myself out there to meet more people and make more friends. I was all for it. Then I started to get thinking…what if I really do like to be by myself? Don’t get me wrong. Friends are great and very important. I just think that some people rely on friends more than others.

I have always been a home body. Even before my eating disorder, I liked to stay home. My parents are awesome so I had no problem at all hanging out with them. Then there would be that weekend every once in awhile where I would hang out with a friend. But when it came down to it, I would have rather been at home.

Flash forward to the peak of my eating disorder. I literally never left the house unless it was to go to school, basketball, or out for a run. And that’s how I liked it (Not the eating disorder part. The staying home part).

Now I’m in college. I know these are where so many memories are made for people. Where they go out to parties, join a sorority, make friends that will last a lifetime, and stay up late at night. But I really don’t like any of that stuff. I mean, making a friend that would last a lifetime would be great. But the rest, nahh.

My therapist recommended hanging out with some people that I had lost touch with from the beginning of the year. I could do that. But do I want to? Not really. Is it partly because I’m shy? Yeah, probably. Or is it partly because I really just like being alone? I think it has a lot to do with that. I’m okay with being alone. Yeah, sometimes it can get extremely lonely and I have some depressive thoughts but I would much rather be alone than miserable with a group of people I don’t really want to be around.

That brings me to last night, I went to bed at around 8pm. It was a Friday night. The night most college students long for. But I really could care less if it was Friday night or Wednesday night. I was tired at 8 so I had no problem shutting my door and turning off the lights.

Then again, it would be nice to have a group of friends to fall back on. It’s all still up in the air. I like my independence and being alone. But at the same time, a friend would be nice. Not one that is constantly burping, talking about losing weight, cussing, blasting music through their headphones, or chewing with their mouth open (Yes. I am talking about my roommate.)

So I guess the gist of this post is that I like being alone. Even though my therapist wants me to work on getting out there, I really don’t want to…even though it might be good for me. I just don’t know.

Do you guys get what I mean? Can you relate in any way?
Are you a home body or do you like to go out?
Any advice for me? Like, how to get out there because it would probably be good for me?Β 

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24 thoughts on “I’m a home body….and I’m okay with that

  1. I can SO relate. Being an only child made me kind of enjoy being by myself a lot too. I’m just not one for the parties or getting drunk, I’d much rather watch a movie with some friends or read a good book in my PJ’s on a Friday night. Like you, I’m the kind of person who just has a few REALLY close friends rather than a bajillion, ya know?
    Don’t feel bad for cherishing your “me” time, I think it makes you more independent when you can find fun stuff to do rather than always having to rely on others for fun. I’m sure you’ll make some lifelong friends pronto, I mean who couldn’t like you, you’re AWESOME! πŸ˜€
    Hope your weekend is relaxing and amazing my friend

  2. I understand you So well,Haley! I’ve never been that kind of person who likes to go out and stuff… I always preferred to stay at home and read a good book or something.
    I just hate crowds,loud music and drunken people all around me. And when I feel bad,I’d rather like to have ONE person to talk to instead of many people who couldn’t care less about my feelings and problems.
    Of course,friends are important,but I actually DO have friends – maybe not as many as other,more outgoing persons have,but at least I know that mine are TRUE friends. And true friends accept it if you’re not a party animal…
    I’d say don’t force yourself to do something you actually don’t want to. If you’re fine with how it is right now,then why should you try to change it?

  3. I enjoy being at home or with only one or two people way more than being in a big crowd or going out! I do sometimes wish I was more of a socializer, but also I love what I do do!

  4. I know exactly what you mean. At the height of my eating disorder I never left the house and wouldn’t answer phone calls or emails…total isolation. But I always have been and still am a low key home body. There is huge difference between that and real isolation. I think it’s good to do things outside your comfort zone just for the sake of doing it and you might even end up liking it. πŸ™‚ I would say if you feel like it’s your ED that wants you to stay home, you better go out, but if you’re just tired and want to relax with a movie instead of whatever everyone else is doing, do that. I wouldn’t go overboard try to be social because that can get overwhelming and might send you in the opposite direction.

  5. You sound just like me. I love being at home with my family because I get along with them. In high school my friends thought I was weird for wanting to stay home and be with my parents and sister, but I just love then and I enjoy spending time with them.
    In my opinion, I think you should just do what makes you happy. As long as you’re not ‘secluding’ yourself away from everyone, you know? If you want to stay home and go to bed early, do it! Why do something you don’t want to do? It’s okay to not have a ton of friends (because honestly it takes too much work). It’s okay to have one close friend and stay at home instead of going out. This is your life, do what makes you smile.

  6. I am exactly the same way. I’m a sophomore in college and I live in my own apartment. People always ask me if I get lonely living by myself, but I actually like having my own place. So far in my college experience, I haven’t made a ton of friends like you’re expected to and sometimes I feel like I might be taking a lot of things for granted, but I like spending time alone. I mean, I do get lonely every once in a while, but if I spend a whole weekend hanging out with people constantly, I just can’t wait to go back to my apartment and spend some time alone. I always go to bed really early too during the weekends, or on any day, and it’s great because I actually get a good amount of sleep unlike most of the people I know. So while everyone is complaining about how they are so tired all day, I’m feeling well-rested. πŸ˜›

  7. I can definitely relate to this! I like being on my own actually! And hanging with your parents is not weird at all! I love being with mine! I am SO close to my parents so i never find it weird that I prefer being at home then going out with friends! Don’t get me wrong… I love interacting with people, but I do prefer my alone time too.

  8. I can definitely relate to you! I have a couple of good, close friends that I hang with, but a lot of the time I like to do my own thing. I am definitely a homebody. I’m really not into the college scene. I like to run and enjoy grocery shopping, which some people might find weird, but I don’t even care because it’s my thing. πŸ™‚ a good way to make friends is through classes. Everyone is totally shy especially being the beginning of the semester. πŸ™‚ i made some good friends with people that were in my classes.

  9. Never commented before, but I just want to say I am the exact same as you, and this post really helped me feel comfortable with it! I live in the UK, where people my age are supposed to go out every weekend, smoke and drink, and I’m just not into it at all. On the one hand, I feel guilty for being a ‘bad teenager’ (haha), but I also really enjoy my own company and just reading a good book on a friday night! Thanks for writing this, although I know I’m not the only introvert in the world, it’s definitely nice to be reminded of that sometimes!

  10. I can definitely relate to you! I’m more of a homebody type as well – I function pretty well solo, and I’m good at entertaining myself. And I need more alone-time than most people. And parties = not my thing 95% of the time. But friendship is SO important. You don’t need a lot of friends, but you need close ones. I firmly believe that a person should NEVER ever feel lonely – that doesn’t mean being with people 24/7. You can be alone and not be lonely, but when you’re sick of being alone, you need a friend or two that you know is going to be there for you.

    I know a lot of college freshman assume that the only way to meet people is to go to parties, but its definitely not! I think those are actually the worst places to meet people cuz everyone’s drunk and raging haha. It’s really important to find people who like to do the things you do and who share values with you. You could join an organization that you care about (I feel like the environmental club would be something you’d be into), find some running buddies, take a class regularly at the gym etc. You definitely don’t have to be in a sorority or go to parties to make friends. I was in a sorority, but my three best friends aren’t my sisters. Although I do have to say that sororities get a bad rap sometimes. I can’t speak for what they’re like where you go to school, but where I was, the focus was on sisterhood, NOT on drinking/partying AT ALL. and there were no popularity contests or anything like that. I guess I was lucky to go to a place w/ sororities like that – I think mine really helped me grow and become more confident. Sooo basically, I wouldn’t rule anything out – explore your options a bit! πŸ™‚ And making friends and getting out there a bit doesn’t mean you have to give up your alone-time; it’s necessary for your sanity. But all things in moderation – I think friendship is necessary for your sanity too πŸ™‚

  11. I do love being by myself but you cannot do this all the time. I know it seems like there is nothing wrong with that but every person needs socializing (and this does not mean going out and getting drunk on friday and saturday night). We need human interaction otherwise you’ll go insane being with your own thoughts all day. Trust me, I Can relate because I’de rather stay home and watch TV by myself but I make myself go out with my friends because there have been days where I dreaded going out but ended up having the best time ever. So even though it is TOTALLY ok to be a home body, you still got to make sure you make time to go out and hang out with friends.

  12. I can totally relate to pretty much everything you said. I’m an only child so I’ve always been kinda used to being alone, and I love my parents too so hanging out with them has always been enough for me. I’m a freshman in college as well and so far have made 0 friends. Some days I’m okay with it and some days I really do wish I had a couple close friends to hang out with. But like you I’m really not into the whole partying/drinking scene at all plus I’m super shy. Overall I really just like being lazy on Friday nights instead, it’s great to just unwind after a stressful week! I’m trying to stay positive though and am hoping some good people finally come my way. If not then I feel like my school really isn’t the best place for me then. Who knows what’ll happen though, I fully believe that things just fall into place eventually over time πŸ™‚

  13. Oh my goodness lady I was the same way my freshman year of college. I am naturally a homebody and I do enjoy more than anything else just putting on some comfy sweats and hanging out with my family or boyfriend. BUT it’s so incredibly important to put yourself out there every once in a while. Now that doesn’t mean that every night you need to go out but maybe start by having lunch with someone regularly or finding a running buddy you can wake up and run with on Sat mornings. Making connections is huge in college otherwise what else do you have at school other than your classes? Life is all about people and relationships and they help you figure out who you are! Know that there are soo many people out there who want to just hang out at night or wake up early and run. You just have to find them! Put yourself out there! That’s what college is all about!

  14. I hear ya, I am a total homebody and kinda always have been. But there is a difference between that and totally isolating yourself. Just make sure you don’t miss out on things that you actually DO want to be a part of if that makes any sense.

  15. Pingback: I’ll be back… | Health Freak College Girl

  16. I can relate to this so much! Whenever my friends want to go out to a party I know I should go and be social but most of the time I come up with some last minute excuse to stay home. It’s lame but I like being home by myself a lot. It must be some weird ED characteristic.

  17. I can completely relate! I would much rather do something a lot of people might consider ‘boring’ like watch a movie or play games with my family or friends rather than go out and not enjoy myself! I honestly don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, as long as it’s what you really want! I just prefer having a few close friends that I can do low-key stuff with every once in awhile and the rest of the time enjoy my me-time!

  18. Girl I can relate to this completely! ❀ I've always liked being alone too. Even in high school before I had my ED, I remember spending a lot of Friday nights at home instead of out with friends. And now that I'm in college, I'm really not a fan of going out and getting drunk every weekend like all the other students. I'd much rather do something low key like go to dinner or watch a movie with friends.

  19. I like being home and spending time with my family, but it’s too easy for me, it’s my comfort zone. I’ve never felt better than when I was away from my family. Sounds weird, but it’s true. I do love my family, but I really need to go out of my comfort zone, to be with my friends, to do something exciting… But I’m not the kind of girl, who is friend with everyone and hang out with 1000 of people. i have a few great friends and that’s it !

    It won’t be to hard for you to meet people since you are in college. Just remember it’s always easier than what you think… =)

  20. I get exactly what you are talking about! I too like my alone time! Nights my boyfriend and I have “friend” nights, I usually like to just stay home, have the house all to myself while he goes and hangs out with the guys! Some days I do wish I had more friends, someone to talk to when sometime is bothering me. But I am not the type of person that likes that constant contact, that most friends want. I am more of a I want to be friends when I am bored or a need a friend to talk to…ha I completely get where you are coming from on this post! If you are happy, stay home and live your life the way you want!!!

  21. Yes! I could have written this post myself; so much resonated with me. My parents are awesome and most times I just hang out with them. In high school, I didn’t really fit in, so I never hung out with people. Probably why I haven’t ever bothered to get my driver’s license. It’s hard, to feel like you should feel lonely or like you need to be with people. It is such a social norm to be incessantly social all the time; partying every night, or constantly texting your friends. I just don’t do it, and it is so prevalent outside me that I often wonder what is wrong with me that it us SUCH a chore for me to bring myself to be this way too.
    I have a really hard time bringing myself to be with people. I get home from class or work and just shut myself in my room. I think I’d stay in here all day sometimes if I could. I’ve got my music, my journal, and myself, what more could I need? Yet sometimes I just need human interaction.
    I think it’s important to have balance. Perhaps more of a 60/30 balance of self to friend time, but balance all the same. My Dad suggested that I leave my door open, and my Mom suggested that I spend time stationed in a public area, to invite conversation. I haven’t tried these yet, so I can’t vouch for them, but they seem like viable options to me.
    I also made myself a New Year’s resolution to say “yes” to everything people suggested or asked. Believe it or not, I actually followed through with this. Was it hard? Yes! Were there some times when I truly wished I was home in bed at 9pm rather than out at a pub with my flat mates? Hell yes. But it really helped me learn about myself, and also established me as someone who wasn’t a joy kill, who did like a good time, but perhaps just preferred staying in to getting smashed nightly.
    Let me know what you think and how you do. Best, Hannah

  22. I’m a super homebody too. Luckily, so is my husband. I’m 30, I’ve never really liked going out. I did my thing in college and went out. Occasionally, I like to go out…but I find that when I’m out with friends doing something other than like going out to eat or just doing something small….I’d rather be at home.

    I also don’t have a ton of money to go out. It’s comfortable at home. I’m not afraid of going out, and I’m not shy…I just feel like sometimes it’s more of a pain in the butt to go out than to stay in. Especially if it’s too hot, too cold or raining. I’d rather be on the couch (warm, cool or dry depending) and watching Netflix, hanging out my computer, listening to music etc…

    I’m very lucky I have my husband and he likes to do the same stuff. However, everyone keeps telling me to get out and about. My sister has a pool and she lives across town, and in the summer I always tell myself that after work I’m going to pick up the dog, go to her house and just hang out. But right now, it’s like 86 degrees out and I don’t feel like packing a suit, packing up some drinks, getting the dog ready, going over there, unpacking the stuff, sitting in the heat…swimming for like 15 minutes and then realize I’m done and I’m hot and I want to be back home.

    It’s not like I sit alone and cry at home. I just enjoy being there. I wouldn’t feel bad about staying in. Some of us just prefer that. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re boring or lame for wanting to stay in. But when you do feel those depressed moments (I too suffer from depression, but am on meds) maybe just take a ride around for a bit w/ the windows down and some music on. It’ll get you out, make people happy, and might change a down mood into a fairly good one. But you don’t need to go on a crazy adventure. My husband tells me to this, but to be honest…I never do.

    You can always blog when you’re down, and get pick-me-ups from your fellow homebody’s.

    You’re not alone in the wanting to just stay in and hang out. πŸ™‚

  23. Wow, thank you for this post … and everyone who commented! You’ve just described ME! I’m a complete and utter homebody,- I love spending time at home, by myself, low key, with a good book on a Friday or with my parents… I’ve graduated now and generally, I had a great time at uni and I had some wonderful, wonderful friends, but I always longed for home, and hated going too long without being there. I used to fight that feeling all the time, making myself go out to parties and busy places and doing things I thought I should do because I felt as if there was something inherently wrong with being a homebody and wanting to spend time in my own company or with a few others – but lately I’ve learned to accept who I am. I strongly, strongly suggest that if you’re a homebody, you read ‘Quiet’ by Susan Cain … fantastic for recognizing your strengths as an introvert!

    I’m glad I’m not the only one, it’s nice to be validated for the true person that I am inside… I know this post is about liking to spend time alone… but I wish I knew all of you because it’s pretty rare to meet similar people!!

  24. I’m the same way! I like being at home with my dogs & my tv , and my atmosphere. My boyfriend always says I’m anti social, but others don’t run my show & just cuz they won’t to go out doesn’t mean I want to. He doesn’t get that & it’s so annoying. People get on my fn nerves. & I like hanging our with myself & doing what I want when I want. I’ve came to the conclusion that I must get it from being the only child. I don’t need friends or at least friends I have to talk to & see everyday. My real friends and I can not talk for months, but we’ll text & good do lunch when it works. Other than that I like me time!! Cuz I like me πŸ™‚

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