Yesterday at my therapy appointment, we talked more about getting myself out there to meet more people and make more friends. I was all for it. Then I started to get thinking…what if I really do like to be by myself? Don’t get me wrong. Friends are great and very important. I just think that some people rely on friends more than others.
I have always been a home body. Even before my eating disorder, I liked to stay home. My parents are awesome so I had no problem at all hanging out with them. Then there would be that weekend every once in awhile where I would hang out with a friend. But when it came down to it, I would have rather been at home.
Flash forward to the peak of my eating disorder. I literally never left the house unless it was to go to school, basketball, or out for a run. And that’s how I liked it (Not the eating disorder part. The staying home part).
Now I’m in college. I know these are where so many memories are made for people. Where they go out to parties, join a sorority, make friends that will last a lifetime, and stay up late at night. But I really don’t like any of that stuff. I mean, making a friend that would last a lifetime would be great. But the rest, nahh.
My therapist recommended hanging out with some people that I had lost touch with from the beginning of the year. I could do that. But do I want to? Not really. Is it partly because I’m shy? Yeah, probably. Or is it partly because I really just like being alone? I think it has a lot to do with that. I’m okay with being alone. Yeah, sometimes it can get extremely lonely and I have some depressive thoughts but I would much rather be alone than miserable with a group of people I don’t really want to be around.
That brings me to last night, I went to bed at around 8pm. It was a Friday night. The night most college students long for. But I really could care less if it was Friday night or Wednesday night. I was tired at 8 so I had no problem shutting my door and turning off the lights.
Then again, it would be nice to have a group of friends to fall back on. It’s all still up in the air. I like my independence and being alone. But at the same time, a friend would be nice. Not one that is constantly burping, talking about losing weight, cussing, blasting music through their headphones, or chewing with their mouth open (Yes. I am talking about my roommate.)
So I guess the gist of this post is that I like being alone. Even though my therapist wants me to work on getting out there, I really don’t want to…even though it might be good for me. I just don’t know.
Do you guys get what I mean? Can you relate in any way?
Are you a home body or do you like to go out?
Any advice for me? Like, how to get out there because it would probably be good for me?