it’s a new year

It’s that time of year again: people wanting to change something about themselves for the upcoming year. I don’t have a list of things that I want to change. There’s just one. It doesn’t have to do with running. Or school. Or saving money. It has do with bulimia.

For the past two years, I have dealt with this. There have been periods of no purging, and periods of, well, purging. Over this past summer, I never purged. Not once. I was happy with where I was at with school, basketball, weight, and family. I was even happier at the fact that I never threw up.

Then I went away to school. The first week was great. I was meeting friends and having a genuinely good time. Then basketball started. That brought in the 6am practices and 3 hour afternoon practices. My stress level sky-rocketed and purging allowed me to deal with it. That’s when the depression hit. I came home for a week and the purging didn’t get any better. Until I decided to quite basketball.

When I went back to school, it was like the first week all over again. I was so happy to not have the stress of basketball hanging over my head.

But whenever some sort of stress would come about, the bulimia would creep back into my life. Purging is a way for me to release stress. It makes me feel numb.

I don’t want to do it anymore though. I know how horrible it is for me. I know how much it hurts my family. I don’t want to break down every time something stressful comes into my life.

2012 is a new year. Bulimia will be a thing of my past, not my present. That’s all I want to change in this upcoming year. It’s not going to control me anymore.

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31 thoughts on “it’s a new year

  1. This is such an important goal for the new year. I am routing for you Haley. I know you’ll be able to overcome this!

  2. you’ve already accomplished so SO much this year – there’s not an ounce of doubt in my mind that you’ll be able to do this. You’re the kind of person that, when you want to do something, you just do it – no ifs ands or buts (at least that’s the way you come across in your posts!) I’m praying for you and cheering you on 100%!!

  3. You’re so brave for telling your story. And I think you know as well that it’s really going to help someone else out there. This is such a great way to start the new year… in such a good mind set. You got this 🙂

  4. Oh Haley,I am so sorry you had to go thorugh such a terrible and hard time last year!
    I really really hope everything works out for you in 2012;
    you’re such a strong girl and you’ve proved that NUMEROUS times – don’t let yourself get down,I believe in you!

  5. Wow sweetheart. What a touching post. I sure admire you for this. Such honesty. That’s wonderful. You are capable of ridding your life from this disease and I am behind you all the way!

    Lots of love ❤

  6. I am hoping this comment will post. My first one didn’t 😦

    So proud of you. I love this post. You are so honest and it is such a huge step to talk about your bulimia. I am so proud of you and behind you all of the way. You can accomplish anything.

  7. I’m so sorry that you’re struggling with this, but just stay confident and driven and I’m sure you’ll get past it! I wish the best for you ❤

  8. Wow, thank you for sharing this Haley. This takes a lot of guts to be open and come forward with. You have a whole community supporting you through this goal. I know you can achieve it. Just remember how much your family and friends love you and know that you deserve a life without this struggle!

  9. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this — I know you’re going to get through it. All of your readers are here to support you and even just your strength to be honest with what you’re going through is incredible.

  10. i wish i didn’t know exactly what you’re going through, but i do. i never physically purged but i definitely binged and then over-exercised. i, too, used it as a way to deal with stress. my turning point came when i started to talk to people about it and dealt with it via my blog. there’s something very powerful about coming out of the darkness and taking the shame out of the behavior.
    i’m confident that you’re strong enough to push past this and that you’ll be amazed at the support of the blog community. you have a lot of great women rooting for you!

  11. Stay strong! You can do this! With this blog, your friends, and your family, you have a support system that will be there with you all the way! You WILL overcome the bullshit that is ED becaues YOU ARE STRONG!

  12. Wow this was such an amazing post to share. Seriously had no idea that you went through all of this. I’m so impressed with the person you are at such a young age. You are totally going to rock 2012 and if you ever need anything I’m here for ya

  13. Oh my gosh, Haley I’m so sorry about this issue – if you ever want to talk I’m always here! I’ve thought about purging on multiple occasions because I’ve been struggling with binges, but I’m so afraid of purging! I’m confident you can beat it though. You are so inspiring for tackling this head on and posting about it. I admire you so much! Stay strong!!

  14. Pingback: ten (?) things friday | Health Freak College Girl

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