I hate asking for help. I really do. To me, asking for help is a weakness that I don’t want to show. I felt that because I had a weakness, people would look down at me. Not gonna lie to you guys, I still sometimes feel this way. Actually this is one of my greatest struggles.
Throughout basketball, I felt like messing up was the end of the world. Since I was the captain, people looked up to me. And since they looked up to, I had to be perfect, right? That was my mentality. If I ever struggled with a play or move, I wanted to figure it out by myself. People were supposed to ask me questions. I wasn’t supposed to ask the questions.
As for school, I rarely asked questions. I asked my teachers before or after class, but never during. I didn’t want my classmates to think lesser of me. And then if I was ever studying with friends, I never wanted to ask them a question.
If I ever felt stressed with basketball and school, nobody ever knew. I acted like I had it all under control. But in reality, I was freaking out inside. I was stressed about the game, test, project, homework, practice, presentation that I had. But still, nobody knew. Nobody could tell. I never said a word about my worries.
So how did I deal with those stresses? I restricted, I over-exercised, I threw up, I beat myself up inside. I did all this because I didn’t want to ask for help. I didn’t want to bother somebody with my troubles because I thought I was stronger than that. But really, I was dying inside. I hated everything, everyone. I was screaming for help but I didn’t know how to say that without hating myself even more.
Even now, I don’t want to call my parents with my problems. I try to deal with them myself. My parents always tell me, “It’s okay to tell us what’s going on, we’re here to help.”
I’m here to tell you guys, don’t keep it all in. Tell somebody. A friend, a parent, a teacher, a coach, a neighbor…anyone. You can even ask me. Email me, leave me a comment, anything. Keeping it all in leads you to have a mental battle with yourself. You become your own worst enemy. Don’t let that happen to yourself.