ask for help

I hate asking for help. I really do. To me, asking for help is a weakness that I don’t want to show. I felt that because I had a weakness, people would look down at me. Not gonna lie to you guys, I still sometimes feel this way. Actually this is one of my greatest struggles.

Throughout basketball, I felt like messing up was the end of the world. Since I was the captain, people looked up to me. And since they looked up to, I had to be perfect, right? That was my mentality. If I ever struggled with a play or move, I wanted to figure it out by myself. People were supposed to ask me questions. I wasn’t supposed to ask the questions.

As for school, I rarely asked questions. I asked my teachers before or after class, but never during. I didn’t want my classmates to think lesser of me. And then if I was ever studying with friends, I never wanted to ask them a question.

If I ever felt stressed with basketball and school, nobody ever knew. I acted like I had it all under control. But in reality, I was freaking out inside. I was stressed about the game, test, project, homework, practice, presentation that I had. But still, nobody knew. Nobody could tell. I never said a word about my worries.

So how did I deal with those stresses? I restricted, I over-exercised, I threw up, I beat myself up inside. I did all this because I didn’t want to ask for help. I didn’t want to bother somebody with my troubles because I thought I was stronger than that. But really, I was dying inside. I hated everything, everyone. I was screaming for help but I didn’t know how to say that without hating myself even more.

Even now, I don’t want to call my parents with my problems. I try to deal with them myself. My parents always tell me, “It’s okay to tell us what’s going on, we’re here to help.”

I’m here to tell you guys, don’t keep it all in. Tell somebody. A friend, a parent, a teacher, a coach, a neighbor…anyone. You can even ask me. Email me, leave me a comment, anything. Keeping it all in leads you to have a mental battle with yourself. You become your own worst enemy. Don’t let that happen to yourself.

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12 thoughts on “ask for help

  1. Amen sista, amen. It is SO good to get those nasty thoughts and stresses out in the open, when left alone in the mind, they seem to just create more problems. My parents and God have been my rocks during the fought patches, I don’t know how I would’ve survived my ED without a listening ear and shoulder to lean on. šŸ™‚

  2. I was kind of the same way when I was younger! I felt terrible when I needed help and I never would ask because I thought it was stupid..then everyone would think I was stupid. But..luckily I’ve grown out of that. šŸ™‚
    (oh, btw- thanks for the nom for the versatile blogger šŸ˜€ )

  3. Oh,Haley,you always write such wonderful,touching and true posts! I am so glad I found your blog so that I am able to learn from you…
    That being said,I completely understand your hesitation when it comes to asking for help. For me,it’s like I always want the ohers to come and talk to me if they have a problem,need some advice or just someone who listens,but myself? – I hate to do so; I don’t want to be a burden.
    It is so hard to do,but we have to get out of this rut! If we don’t helping others won’t be as fulfilling as it actually should be because we keep destroying ourselves by keeping it all in.

  4. Well said girl, well said! Although I have never really had an issue with asking for help, I know PLENTY of people that struggle with this (like my sister) and I always try to be there for them and ask them if they are doing ok. I always just hope that they trust me enough to know that I would never judge them or think less of them. Asking for help does take courage and it makes you feel vulnerable but sometimes, we can’t do it alone and we NEED the help.

    Awesome post šŸ™‚

  5. This is so true, and I can totally relate. I sometimes think its easier to just struggle on instead of asking for help, when really it’s the complete opposite. Nice reminder, and great post!

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