so what

You know that song by P!nk, So What? Well if not, I’ll give you a little refresher.

So what I eat a lot of food? Every 2-3 hours, I am eating something. And people notice. My roommates make comments about it. When we go to the dining hall, they say things like, “Geez! Got enough food?” My response, “Yeah. I’m hungry.” I may seem okay, but it hurts when they say stuff like that. I know it shouldn’t but ED has a way of being…well…stupid. But I am able to deal with it because I am healthy. While they’re eating french fries and hamburgers, I will gladly eat my salad beasts, oatmeal messes, or smoothie creations. Because at the end of the day, it’s about what you put in your body.

an example of one of my salad beasts

So what I am not stick thin? I can rock a race with dedication. Give me a goal and I am bound to complete it. This may sound bad but whenever I used to see a skinny person, I would think to myself, “I bet I could run faster than her.” Now, I don’t even compare myself to those people. I have muscles and dedication…something I would choose over being skinny any day.

So what if I’m not perfect? I mess up. A lot. I sleep through classes, I fail tests, I trip over my own two feet, I make a complete fool of myself. But that’s me. If I didn’t do any of those things, who would I be? I sure as heck wouldn’t be the Haley that people have learned to love. Even though I go into a situation trying my best, it doesn’t always turn out that way. But I don’t beat myself up, because we are all human and we all make mistakes.

So what if I have regrets? During my eating disorder, I made some horrible decisions, which turned into regrets. Decisions that I would have made differently if I were faced with them today. Some of the regrets were larger than others. There were the little ones like not hanging out with friends on the weekend. I would have much rather sat on the couch on a friday night (I know, party girl right here). Then there were bigger regrets such as not going to my senior prom. Yes, I didn’t go to my senior prom. Why would I want to go to a dance when I would be so obsessed with ED thoughts the entire time? As a matter of fact, I only went to 2 school dances.  At first, I let it eat me up. Now, I’m okay with it. Because you know what? The sun will still shine the next day and life will go on. And even though I do have regrets, I wouldn’t change those things. I am me because of what I have gone through and guess what…I love who I am.

It feels so freeing to say these things. So what, so what, so what! I am proud of me and that is all that matters.

Day 3 of the 30 day photo challenge…

Happiness. I know I’ve used this photo before but there’s a reason why it has to do with happiness. After seeing this picture on facebook, my mom sent me this text message:

That, my friends, is happiness.

Now it’s your turn: So what if….


24 thoughts on “so what

  1. I love it. I need to tell myself “so what” sometimes. And I just saw the Marilyn Monroe picture today and saved it. I’d never heard that quote before and Monroe is someone I look up to a lot. I say so what if I have a ton of proofs to look at in yearbook. I’ve been at it all day, I deserve a break!
    And of course so what if I’m hungry again. My body is telling me I need more food!

  2. I can so relate to the eating one and also the regrets. I eat every 2 or 3 hours too because I hate how crappy I feel if I go longer than that. Plus I think if you eat healthier, you naturally just need to eat more because it doesn’t weigh you down like junk food does. And I also didn’t go to my senior prom, and I used to beat myself up about it but I know there’ll be even more fun opportunities for me to take in the future!

  3. Dude I can totally relate with the friends commenting on the food– it can get so annoying. I just gotta keep telling myself I’m doing the right thing even though that dumb voice is trying to make me fail.
    And that marilyn monroe pic just made my day, thanks for sharing! 😀

  4. This post was the best way to start off my day! 🙂 I’m super freaking out about school and marks right now, so thanks for the reminder that it’s okay to not be perfect. I’d rather be happy and settle for a lower grade than put myself through sooo much stress just to get a higher grade.

    Also that text your mom sent you is the sweetest thing ever! 😀

  5. I LOVE YOU!!! this post just made my morning!! Everything you’ve said is so true. I bet when your friends comment on the amount you eat, it’s cuz they’re jealous and wish they could eat so much. My roommate in college was always like, “good lord, you’re always eating” and I always countered with, “and I’m always running!” :). And yeah. I used to compare myself to other people but you know what? I’m “bigger” than a lot of girls. and I’m skinnier than a lot of girls. I’m slower than a lot of girls. I’m faster than a lot of girls. There’s always going to be someone bigger, skinnier, faster, and slower than you – so just do YOUR thing and don’t worry about them :). Your determination to love yourself for YOU is so so so inspiring, I hope you know that!!!

  6. what a great post! i love your point of view and its inspiring to read how you overcame your ED. you should b proud that you are eating a lotof healthy foods and putting all those nutrients into your body! What if I stumble over my feet, I know now that someone else has similar difficulties in life! (thanks for sharing! ) let us b strong together

  7. I cannot tell you how much I love reading your blog. It’s so real and so refreshingly honest. THANK YOU! By being so open you are helping SO MANY PEOPLE – I hope you know that 🙂 Also your pics from Portland are the bomb diggity – your photo skills are getting preeeeetty good! So Fall-ish there, love it 🙂 Keep it up girl, cuz I love readin’!

  8. What an AWESOME post – love it!! It’s so important to just say “so what” with certain things. People have their own ways of living life and dealing with certain things so it’s totally fine when you do your own thing! I think it’s great that you realize all the things that make you “different” is what makes you, YOU!

    This is def one of my favorite posts!! Thanks for the reminder that it’s okay to do things your way! 🙂

  9. such an inspirational post:) I am the same with you in that I eat a lot more than my roommates do, but at the same time I definitely eat a lot healthier! So what if I eat more than they do, I feel healthy and that is all that matters!

  10. I love this post. Really inspirational. No-one can be perfect all the time! And anyway, the most important thing is how you pick yourself up after a mistake and learn from them.

  11. Pingback: Mind Opening Quote « A Healthy Gourmet Lifestyle

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