You know that song by P!nk, So What? Well if not, I’ll give you a little refresher.
So what I eat a lot of food? Every 2-3 hours, I am eating something. And people notice. My roommates make comments about it. When we go to the dining hall, they say things like, “Geez! Got enough food?” My response, “Yeah. I’m hungry.” I may seem okay, but it hurts when they say stuff like that. I know it shouldn’t but ED has a way of being…well…stupid. But I am able to deal with it because I am healthy. While they’re eating french fries and hamburgers, I will gladly eat my salad beasts, oatmeal messes, or smoothie creations. Because at the end of the day, it’s about what you put in your body.
So what I am not stick thin? I can rock a race with dedication. Give me a goal and I am bound to complete it. This may sound bad but whenever I used to see a skinny person, I would think to myself, “I bet I could run faster than her.” Now, I don’t even compare myself to those people. I have muscles and dedication…something I would choose over being skinny any day.
So what if I’m not perfect? I mess up. A lot. I sleep through classes, I fail tests, I trip over my own two feet, I make a complete fool of myself. But that’s me. If I didn’t do any of those things, who would I be? I sure as heck wouldn’t be the Haley that people have learned to love. Even though I go into a situation trying my best, it doesn’t always turn out that way. But I don’t beat myself up, because we are all human and we all make mistakes.
So what if I have regrets? During my eating disorder, I made some horrible decisions, which turned into regrets. Decisions that I would have made differently if I were faced with them today. Some of the regrets were larger than others. There were the little ones like not hanging out with friends on the weekend. I would have much rather sat on the couch on a friday night (I know, party girl right here). Then there were bigger regrets such as not going to my senior prom. Yes, I didn’t go to my senior prom. Why would I want to go to a dance when I would be so obsessed with ED thoughts the entire time? As a matter of fact, I only went to 2 school dances. At first, I let it eat me up. Now, I’m okay with it. Because you know what? The sun will still shine the next day and life will go on. And even though I do have regrets, I wouldn’t change those things. I am me because of what I have gone through and guess what…I love who I am.
It feels so freeing to say these things. So what, so what, so what! I am proud of me and that is all that matters.
That, my friends, is happiness.
Now it’s your turn: So what if….