I have come such a long way since the time when the ED ruled my life. If you were to ask my family and friends, they would basically say I am like a whole different person (in a good way of course). Even though I feel like I am well on my way to being recovered, I am kept wondering…is there such thing as being 100% recovered from an ED?
I used to have so.many.fearfoods. Basically I wouldn’t be able to go out to a restaurant. If I could choose a place to eat, it would be the produce aisle in the grocery store. Because that’s where the “safe foods” were. Here are some of the fear foods that I have overcome:
-Nut Butters: I actually eat this multiple times a day now. I used to consider almond butter on whole wheat toast a “treat.” I would only have it when I had no other sort of high calorie, high fat foods on my list for the day. And even then I would feel guilty eating it. But now, all I say is “Bring on the nut butters!” Because fats are friends, not enemies.
-Carbs: I would basically try to avoid this at all cost. Yeah, I would have it in the morning every once in awhile but besides that, I stayed away from it. I think it was because a long time ago, I watched an episode of Oprah where people were trying to lose weight. One of the ladies said, “I like carbs. That’s why I have big thighs.” Ever since then, I have been hesitant to eat bread, cereals, oats, sweet potatoes, or anything carb related. Now, I know THAT IS COMPLETE BS! Carbs don’t make your thighs big. And if they did…who cares?! Carbs are a great source of energy and a vital nutrient. I am proud to say…I LOVE CARBS!
-Oil: Whenever my mom would make the recipe, I would study the ingredients more than I would study for a test. If oil had to be added, I would make sure she added none or very little of it. I would then watch her super closely to make sure she followed through with it. If I didn’t watch her, I would have an anxiety attack and would probably not be able to eat whatever food it was. Now, I know how important fats are and that they are so so sooooooo important in order to protect your inside intestines. Plus, they taste good! And keep you totally satisfied.
-Avocados: (Notice a theme here? All of the fats? Yes…I was scared to death of fats.) How could I have ever been scared of avocados??? Those things are like pieces of gold on sandwiches, salads, wraps, burritos, whatever. I used to even ask for sandwhiches without avocado. EDs make you crazy…
-Protein: I used to think protein would make you have a lot of muscle. And muscle weighs more than fat…so if I didn’t have any muscle then I would be skinnier…right? WRONG! I won’t eat protein like a body builder. Just enough to keep the muscles that I work hard to get. And muscles are healthy! My mom bought me protein powder one time and she would tell me to put it into my smoothies. “Okay, mom.” Know what happened to that protein powder? It went down the sink. Yeah. I wasted perfectly good protein powder. Now I add protein powder to so many things!
Those are just a few of the fear foods I used to have. With that being said, I still fear some foods. Butter, cream, whipped cream, ice cream, white potatoes, white bread, anything besides all natural wheat bread, unorganic chicken, cheese. I still have a little bit of an anxiety attack when I come into contact with these foods. That’s why I wonder if there is such a thing as 100% recovery. One day, I would love to go to the ice cream shop with my friends. Or not care where my bread is from. Or eat regular chicken. I know some people consider my fear foods to be “unhealthy” but it becomes even more unhealthy when it becomes obsessive.
Of course something had to bring up this post. So I was at an amusement park with some friends the other day and it came time for lunch. Oh shoot. ED doesn’t like amusement park food. Pizza, fries, chicken fingers, lemonade, icees, cotton candy, ice cream, etc. So what did I have? A salad…with mustard. Did ED make me have that? Or was it my health conscious mindset? One day I would love to have some cotton candy or a piece of pizza but I just couldn’t. I just don’t know why yet…
What are your guy’s thoughts? Do you think there is such thing as being completely recovered from an ED? Or do you think it will follow you for the rest of your life?