is there such thing as being 100% recovered?

I have come such a long way since the time when the ED ruled my life. If you were to ask my family and friends, they would basically say I am like a whole different person (in a good way of course). Even though I feel like I am well on my way to being recovered, I am kept wondering…is there such thing as being 100% recovered from an ED?

I used to have so.many.fearfoods. Basically I wouldn’t be able to go out to a restaurant. If I could choose a place to eat, it would be the produce aisle in the grocery store. Because that’s where the “safe foods” were. Here are some of the fear foods that I have overcome:

-Nut Butters: I actually eat this multiple times a day now. I used to consider almond butter on whole wheat toast a “treat.” I would only have it when I had no other sort of high calorie, high fat foods on my list for the day. And even then I would feel guilty eating it. But now, all I say is “Bring on the nut butters!” Because fats are friends, not enemies.

-Carbs: I would basically try to avoid this at all cost. Yeah, I would have it in the morning every once in awhile but besides that, I stayed away from it. I think it was because a long time ago, I watched an episode of Oprah where people were trying to lose weight. One of the ladies said, “I like carbs. That’s why I have big thighs.” Ever since then, I have been hesitant to eat bread, cereals, oats, sweet potatoes, or anything carb related. Now, I know THAT IS COMPLETE BS! Carbs don’t make your thighs big. And if they did…who cares?! Carbs are a great source of energy and a vital nutrient. I am proud to say…I LOVE CARBS!

-Oil: Whenever my mom would make the recipe, I would study the ingredients more than I would study for a test. If oil had to be added, I would make sure she added none or very little of it. I would then watch her super closely to make sure she followed through with it. If I didn’t watch her, I would have an anxiety attack and would probably not be able to eat whatever food it was. Now, I know how important fats are and that they are so so sooooooo important in order to protect your inside intestines. Plus, they taste good! And keep you totally satisfied.

-Avocados: (Notice a theme here? All of the fats? Yes…I was scared to death of fats.) How could I have ever been scared of avocados??? Those things are like pieces of gold on sandwiches, salads, wraps, burritos, whatever. I used to even ask for sandwhiches without avocado. EDs make you crazy…

-Protein: I used to think protein would make you have a lot of muscle. And muscle weighs more than fat…so if I didn’t have any muscle then I would be skinnier…right? WRONG! I won’t eat protein like a body builder. Just enough to keep the muscles that I work hard to get. And muscles are healthy! My mom bought me protein powder one time and she would tell me to put it into my smoothies. “Okay, mom.” Know what happened to that protein powder? It went down the sink. Yeah. I wasted perfectly good protein powder. Now I add protein powder to so many things!

 

Those are just a few of the fear foods I used to have. With that being said, I still fear some foods. Butter, cream, whipped cream, ice cream, white potatoes, white bread, anything besides all natural wheat bread, unorganic chicken, cheese. I still have a little bit of an anxiety attack when I come into contact with these foods. That’s why I wonder if there is such a thing as 100% recovery. One day, I would love to go to the ice cream shop with my friends. Or not care where my bread is from. Or eat regular chicken. I know some people consider my fear foods to be “unhealthy” but it becomes even more unhealthy when it becomes obsessive.

Of course something had to bring up this post. So I was at an amusement park with some friends the other day and it came time for lunch. Oh shoot. ED doesn’t like amusement park food. Pizza, fries, chicken fingers, lemonade, icees, cotton candy, ice cream, etc. So what did I have? A salad…with mustard. Did ED make me have that? Or was it my health conscious mindset? One day I would love to have some cotton candy or a piece of pizza but I just couldn’t. I just don’t know why yet…

What are your guy’s thoughts? Do you think there is such thing as being completely recovered from an ED? Or do you think it will follow you for the rest of your life?

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39 thoughts on “is there such thing as being 100% recovered?

  1. ahhh glad to see that you’re doing better than in the past, though! πŸ˜€ I’m sure you’ve come suuuuch a long way πŸ™‚ And I believe it is completely possible to be 100% recovered! I know that a dear friend, Sophia from Burpandslurp, was utterly entrenched in ED years ago, but now she has completely recovered and is doing so well, thanks to God. So yes, I think it is possible πŸ™‚ Hang in there and be strong and courageous!

  2. I used to be scared of nut butters and carbs to during my ED days! Now, I know that my body NEEDS them and that I can not function without those carbs and healthy fats.
    Hmm..this post really got me thinking! Will I ever REALLY be fully recovered or will I still think about food and calories a little bit? Truth is, I think it IS possible if you really put your mind to it and with Gods help im pretty sure you could FULLY recover!! πŸ™‚

  3. i think its imposisble.. to be 100% recovered.. while you can still live a happy and healthy life.. your mind dusnt just switch back to what it was before.. it sound sad, but its rly not! you can still enjoy life but i dont thin ED will ever go away! just gotta learn how to control it!

  4. I used to be so scared of nut butters too, but thank god I told that ED voice to shut up because they’re definitely my favorite food πŸ˜€ I love reading how strong you’ve become!
    I honestly don’t know if you can ever fully recover from an ED, that voice is always gonna be there. I think it just depends on whether or not you let it control you. And it’s fun to make the voice mad by being a rebel and enjoying food again heehee πŸ˜‰

  5. I thnk a lot of health concious people who have never had an eating disorder, just take care of themselves at times, are wary of having too many of those higher saturated fat foods, as long as you do manage to have them sometimes though, on one occasion say, I think that would be a big achievement! Having not really had a full blown eating disorder, I’d find it hard to say if you can ever recover 100% but I think recovery mut be different for everyone. For some, it may be leading what is viewed by the media as an unhealthy lifestyle and for others it may be realising that they do want to encorporate exercise and live healthfully but still have fun with less nutritious food occasionally! Aww sorry to hear about the amusement park incident! At least next time, you can be aware of what you did last time and get something really yummy!

  6. sigh… nut butters was my big one. Thanks for this post, it reminds me how far I’ve come. I don’t know if it’s possible to be 100% recovered, it seems like life is never 100%. Am I 100% organized? No. 100% nice? No. 100% full effort in school? No. I just figure that as long as each day you strive to make your relationship with food a good and nourishing one, you can smile and feel happy inside.

  7. I don’t know if you can ever be fully recovered. Eating disorders CAN be a life-long disease….I will tell you that I’ve been at a healthy weight and “recovered” for almost six years now, but I still have really disordered thoughts on a daily basis.

    And girl, i feel like I could have written this post myself!!! I used to be afraid of ALL of those things too, and now I know for a fact I would be a terrible athlete if I didn’t eat all of those things!! But like you, I still have a LOT of fear foods. It’s been YEARS since I’ve eaten a slice of pizza, a cookie, a brownie, etc…..even a hamburger. I kid you not. Things like white bread…I dunno if I’m actually afraid of them, but I would never eat them just because they’re processed and there’s no nutrients.

    I think a lot of those disordered thoughts kind of morph over time into healthy habits – like eating lean meats instead of greasy fatty ones, and whole grains instead of white breads etc. But I think they also transform into orthorexia – your still afraid of those foods that are “unhealthy”.

    I honestly hope for our taste buds sake that both of us can overcome our fears of foods we used to love – I’d love to be able to eat pizza too πŸ™‚

    and I just have to say that I love all your posts, and every time I read your blog I’m like “OMG ME TOO!” so glad we found each others blogs lol!!

    • at some points, i’m like, oh shoot now do i have orthorexia? i feel like it’s a fine line between orthorexia and health conscious. and i’m with you…i would love to eat a piece of pizza one day too!

  8. ED is an addiction as much as any addiction, and there is never a “recovered,” but there IS an “in recovery.” And while the idea of never being “done” with an ED may seem intimidating, there is nothing wrong with knowing your limitations, as long as you are stronger than them. And know that there are great things out there like nut butters and avocados πŸ˜€

  9. Great post, and I love your honesty! I think that’s half the battle. It sounds like you have come a long way, already with your ED. You will probably never “forget about it”, but I definitely think you can get to the point where it doesn’t control your life, and you can fell comfortable eating all foods. So glad you stopped by my blog to say hello!

  10. I’m so glad that you’re doing better πŸ™‚ Unfortunately.. I don’t think there is such a thing as being 100% recovered. I think of it like this a drug addict or alcoholic can recover, and go the rest of their lives without having to come in contact with their triggers ever again. However, with ED, the trigger is always there. You still have to eat no matter what. It’s hard, and I know where you’re coming from. But there’s hope ❀ stay strong and you'll go so much farther than you think!

  11. I think about this question a lot. I am basically fully recovered, but I still feel like I am not completely normal. I have gotten to the point where I can eat pizza, though (even multiple days in a row!)β€”Β and I am sure you will, too. There is definitely a fine line between ED motivators and wanting to be healthy, though, and it’s hard to tell which one is motivating us at the time.

    • i’m so happy that you are better πŸ™‚ and i totally agree with you about the ED and wanting to be healthy

  12. i think there’s a fine line, but i do believe in 100% recovery. there are days i forget i was ever sick, and then there are days when i feel like i haven’t come all too far. but at the end of it all, i’m not counting my calories, i’m listening to my body, i’m actually living. it’s hard to tell what is the ED voice and what is just “normal” voice of being a girl in america. i do believe that if you fight for it, you will get it. my best friend is totally recovered, and she has always served as such a prime example and reminder to me when i doubt myself. i never thought i’d be as free as i am now, but it’s possible. and if one person can do it, anyone can- that’s the lesson i’ve carried with me through this all. it’s what my best friend reminds me of all the time, if she can do it i can do it. just keep on fighting, and you’ll add more and more battles to your victory list. you’ve already come so far!

  13. I’m so proud of you for not having as many fear foods now! What would life be without nut butters and avacado?! TORTURE πŸ˜‰ But, with that being said, I don’t think anyone is ever fully recovered. I’m in the same boat as you- I think that I would love to just go get ice cream with a friend one day but the idea absolutely terrifies me. Maybe one day, right? Baby steps.
    You’ve come so far though. Be proud!

  14. I don’t know if it’s possible to completely recover, but I sure hope it is. I share some similar fear foods… definitely liquids. Oils are the worst, I rarely use them. I can handle nut butters and avocados now. Calories in the form of drinks – even if they’re healthy – are still intimadating to me. I’m so proud of myself for incorporating chocolate milk for recovery from workouts – I used to be afraid, but it’s helped so much!

    • i know what you mean…liquid calories can be scaryyy. but i’m so glad you are incorporating the chocolate milk!

  15. Those are basically all the same fear foods I had, and I still don’t eat candy. Mainly because it makes me sick but also because I am scared to death of it. I don’t want to be a downer or anything but I do not believe I will ever be fully recovered. Part of it has to do with my lack of treatment options that will follow me until I’m at least 40 (I’m going to be very poor for a long time. That’s what I get for wanting to be an author) and part of it has to do with just how I am and what I believe. I think I’ll be able to get to a point where it isn’t too bad but those thoughts will always be there.

    • you are definitely not a downer. i feel the exact same way you do. and when you become an author, i will be the first in line to get your book πŸ™‚

  16. I think that it is possible to 100% move forward from an ED, but like any other mental issue I don’t think some of the thoughts will 100% disappear. Even for those that are not classified as having an ED, it is natural to think and wonder about what you are eating.

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  18. I’m so glad that you’re doing a lot better now! I used to be so afraid of carbs too but now I love carbs! I think it is possible to be 100% recover from ED, but it’s the mental thoughts that you have to get through, which will be tough.

  19. I’m so glad you’re doing better! But I think you’re right, I think so much of an ED is a mindset, and you’ll probably always be more “aware” of food things. But that doesn’t mean they have to control you. And look how far you’ve come!

  20. I think you can’t be too hard on yourself; everyone has foods they’re funny about. And everyones expectation of recovery is probably a bit different. But I know what I found helpfull at first was other people telling me they were eating MY fear foods … and they were not popping into oomplaloompa’s like I thought I would.
    You said you’re scared of ice-cream and cheese amongst others; I used to be terrified of them, but I’ve started eating them and have been for MONTHS; and there’s no change in body. I know it often takes somebody else to reassure, even though it sounds ridiculous. Cheese and ice-cream are happily in my diet almost every day, and nothing happened =) Hope this didn’t sound to lame =(

    • you don’t sound lame at all! thank you so much. i need people to continuously reassure me so this is super helpful πŸ™‚

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