worst “compliment” ever

Everybody loves to receive a compliment. Whether it be about your hair, clothes, hard work, whatever. It just makes us feel good. But are there some compliments that should be left unsaid? How about, “You look like you’ve lost weight.” Worst. Compliment. Ever. Okay let me back up…of course there’s a story to bring up this post.

So the other day I ran into a girl on the basketball team (you know…the team i quite…yeah. that team). We said our “hello” and “how are you,” you know, the usual. Then she said, “Dude, you look like you’ve slimmed down. Like a lot.” WTF. Here is what went through my mind.

Sweet, I lost weight!

Oh great, apparently I was fat before.

Do I need to lose more weight?

NO! Shut up ED, you know nothing.

Maybe I could just lose a few more pounds…

But those few pounds would turn into a lot of pounds and that would not be good.

Am I falling back into the ED?

Why should I listen to this girl?

She doesn’t know anything.

I’m eating…and I feel good. 

Screw it…she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

I’m happy…so who cares.

Yeah…a lot went through my mind. And not gonna lie, I thought about it for a lot of the day. But what I mostly thought about was not wanting the ED to win. Some thoughts were ED centered and others were not. But at the end of the day, I was okay. Really, I was.

So this got me thinking. Saying somebody has lost weight is the worst compliment ever! Unless somebody is overweight and has been working on trying to lose weight, nobody should ever ever say that somebody looks like they’ve lost weight. Who cares! Maybe that person did lose weight, but don’t tell them. That will only push the ED and make it want to become stronger.

With all that being said, I will never tell anybody that they look like they’ve lost weight. There are a thousand other compliments you can give. Try a different one.

see..this is a good compliment. (the last part...not the first...obvi)

What do you guys think the worst compliment out there is?

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28 thoughts on “worst “compliment” ever

  1. I know how you feel. :/ I recently overexercised and started losing a lot of weight, and people around me started commenting on it and even though losing weight is supposedly a “good thing”, it makes me feel insecure and dalgjdsgsdkf. I KNOW I lost weight, and I’m trying to gain some back!

    But I agree that it’s one of the worst compliments. It shows the ugly, shallow side of society and reveals what the person thought about your “previous” weight. I’m sure there are way more things to comment on.

  2. I am so proud of you for getting through this situation ❤ It's hard to believe people say some things that they do, but I am really proud of you for over coming any thought that popped into your head 😀

    xoxo

  3. I hate that! I usually just respond “I’ve been running a lot.” or something and then the conversation just moves on away from that, but it still makes me feel weird. Of course I just gained weight back (on purpose!) so no one is really saying that to me, but I remember feeling so irked when people would say that to me.

  4. ugh! you know what though? unless the “complimenter” KNEW that the person 1. had been overweight and 2. was actively trying to get to a healthy weight….”you look like you lost weight” is NOT usually a compliment….it usually means “you look skinnier than I do, and I’m jealous, so I’m going to give you this compliment and make it sound accusatory so that I can feel better about myself”. I dunno, whenever someone tells me “you look skinny”, it’s usually accompanied by an accusatory tone….and it’s usually given by someone who has pretty low self esteem or a pretty poor body image.

    YOU are BEAUTIFUL! and who cares what the number on the scale or the tape-measure is? If you’re comfortable in your own skin, that’s all that matters. Haters gon hate, and people are gonna be jealous of the rockin’ bod you’ve got……and it seems like you already know how to brush your shoulders off 😛

    I don’t get the “you look really skinny” comment too much, but sometimes people are like “you’re so LITTLE” and “omg you’re like so ripped…do you like spend all day working out?” and that pisses me off because 1. no, I do have a life, I don’t spend all day working out and 2. I’m an athlete, so I better freaking look like one! and 3. you could be toned too if you put some effort in instead of bitching at me? LOL

  5. I completely agree, that is the worst compliment EVER. Honestly, I don’t think weight should ever be “commented” on in any way, unless you are a doctor talking to a patient. I remember 2 Christmas’s ago my sister-in-law asked me how much I weighed at the breakfast table and then said, “What, it’s not like she is fat?” Um, thanks?

    It sounds like you did a great job at processing the comment and not letting the ED win. Good job!

  6. Way to get through that situation. I seriously hate that comment. It always makes me think was I so fat before that I was not attractive. Then I just am like I’m happy, so who gives a hoot.

  7. I have to agree with you about this — I hate when people comment on my weight because it is such a sensitive topic. I think I have had your exact thought-process go through my brain about a million times before.

  8. I totally agree with you!
    I generally hate comments on weight issues as they have been very conducive to my ED once… And yeah,my ED messed up my life completely.
    I am very glad you were abke to deal with this comment so well lately! You rock,girl! 🙂

  9. I completely agree. Unless someone has been trying to lose weight (and it’s a common thing known to people), I don’t think anything should be said. At the beginning of this past summer, I was at my beach condo and my neighbor said that I looked tiny and have lost weight. Even though I’m really close my neighbor, I felt so awkward! It’s one of those situations where I had no idea what to say in response… and that rarely happens!

  10. I’ve definitely said this before but only when I KNEW for a fact the person was trying to lose weight! and i remember the responses being positive usually followed by a happy wiggle/dance lol. But if its someone I haven’t seen in a while I usually just say something like “I don’t know what it is, but you look great!”

  11. I know exactly what this is like!! Or someone saying “you look too skinny” and then I’d be like really?? like “too skinny” and THEN they were like NO NO NO not unhealthy skinny just skinny. normal skinny.
    This fed into my ED thoughts SOOO much because guess what I was thinking? I needed to lose more… and I was already starving myself. People need to SHUT UP about appearances!

  12. O.M.G! Hate hate HATE those comments! One girl in college came up to me and asked for tips on how to stay so slim, because I looked so awesome! I was like wtf ho-bag, I look/feel like shit, and you need to get a life if that’s what you’re more interested in doing! I was in one of the worst places I’ve ever been in my ED and it just made things that much worse! Good job on staying strong and ignoring that rude comment, you’re an inspiration girlie 🙂

  13. I love what you said here “But what I mostly thought about was not wanting the ED to win.” That is awesome. I do think that all of us (that have personally experienced an ED) will from time to time have some ED related thoughts or setbacks. This is OK. What matters is what you do after having the thought. Ya know? Way to go! I agree about the whole compliment thing. When I was really struggling I loved when people commented on my weight loss = totally furthered my ED related behaviors. Not good at all. Excited to read more on your blog.

  14. That is such a terrible compliment. When I started my recovery people would tell me, “But you don’t look anorexic. You’re not that skinny.” And I was thinking “am I not sick enough? I can’t even do that right. I fail. My life sucks. I need to be thinner!” People should just never say anything about weight to people.

  15. Comments about body weight are so unnecessary. It’s such a touchy topic for so many people.. whether its too big or too small, they are never true compliments! I just finished reading your story and I’m truly touched! It’s great that you shared such a large part of your life on your blog. That takes such strength 🙂 Keep it up girl!

  16. I am so glad we’re on the same page. Someone told me this recently and I felt SO weird. It’s like I didn’t know to even take it as a compliment or not. I know exactly what you mean though. I think you’ve made the right decision not to say that to anyone. I think a better approach would be, wow you look really nice or you look really healthy or pretty. Sound about right?

  17. I couldn’t agree more! I would NEVER tell someone “Oh, you look like you lost weight” because I know what that would make me feel like! Why can’t people just say, “you look great!” or “I like your outfit.” I know majority of the time, it’s coming from a good place but really?? Try and rephrasing it differently.

    Great post! 🙂

  18. I totally see where you are coming from with this, and although I have never had a full on ED, I also have the, “OMG was I fat before?!” thought when someone says you look like you’ve lost weight. It is nice…but not nice at the same time.

  19. I definitely dislike getting the you’ve lost weight “compliment”…and I rarely ever comment on someone’s weight gain or loss. It’s just an awkward subject. I also don’t like hearing “oh! you look really pretty today”…it’s crazy but I always interpret that as “you, in general, are not pretty” and I believe there’s really a lot more to a person than how they appear.

  20. Pingback: another one of those “compliments” | Health Freak College Girl

  21. Why on earth did I miss this post?!?!?! I totally get what you mean. Saying those kind of things might sound really nice (and I know the other person isn’t meaning any harm), but it can be triggering for some people. It’s sometimes better left unsaid. Compliment them on how happy they look or how much fun they are, etc. Something OTHER than that.

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