my eating disorder story part 1

Hey guysss. This post is going to be a little bit more serious than all my others so if you just want to skip over it, I totally understand. Today, I wanted to talk to you guys about my eating disorder. I have mentioned it a few times but have never gone into depth about it. Before I start my story, there are two things I want you guys to know:

  • I will never post pictures during my lowest weight, or even during my recovery process. I feel like that can be very triggering.
  • I will never say my lowest, highest, or current weight.

Okay…so here we go.

I have always been healthy and active. At one point, I was playing both club basketball and club soccer. Being active helped me be able to eat normal things and still stay a healthy weight. While growing up, my sister was overweight. She is two years older than me and I have and will always look up to her. I remember her always being teased and it tearing my heart. She continuously tried diets such as Weight Watcher, the Atkins diet, or the cabbage soup diet. None of those worked. Finally, in her sophomore year of high school, she was able to take control of her weight and lose 100 lbs. Now, she is at a happy weight. She enjoys to eat healthy and exercise. But there was something always in the back of my mind…like I didn’t want to be made fun of like her if I ever began to gain weight.

Throughout middle school, I would constantly try to lose weight. I would go on a diet on a week. I would throw the bread away on my sandwiches, eat 100 calorie packs, run on the treadmill excessively, and weigh myself often. None of this ever got to the point of having to worry. But I guess it just stayed with me…

When high school came, I decided to quite soccer and only focus on basketball. Freshman year, I was on the JV team as a starter, and everything was fine. Then sophomore year came and I was moved up to the varsity team as a starter. There was constant pressure to be perfect, to score the most points, win the most games. There was even pressure to hold the team up. When the season ended, our coach wanted us to write down every single thing we ate with the calories and protein content. I took this to heart because I wrote down every bite I chewed. After the end of about two months, we had to turn the food journals into the coach. Luckily, the coach was fired later that year and we got a new coach, one that would change my life.

The first part of junior year went surprisingly well. No eating disorder, no depression. All was good. Then we had the basketball awards. I got MVP, so I should have been happy. I was…until I saw a picture of me on Facebook the next day. When I saw the picture, I began to cry. I looked fat. I thought to myself, “How did I let myself get like that?” So I commented on the picture and said, “Wow, I look like a whale.” Then one of my friends, jokingly, commented back, “You should probably lay off the frozen yogurt Haley.” But I took it as anything but a joke. That’s when it all began.

That’s all for today. I know…cliffhanger. Sorry for no pics or food to look at but I felt like this was something I needed to finally come face to face with on my blog. Thanks for reading. You guys are all great ❀

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17 thoughts on “my eating disorder story part 1

  1. love hearing your story! you are really brave! It took a lot of courage for me to share when I did!
    I love your post,and can’t wait til part 2 πŸ™‚ xo
    WOW your coach was harsh! Good thing they got fired πŸ™‚

  2. you’re amazing and incredible! so strong and brave- i can’t wait to hear the rest of the story, and know i’ll be so inspired by it (as i always am by your posts!)

  3. I admire how brave you are! It’s a hard thing open up that much.
    Personally,I am looking forward to part 2 of your story,although it is so sad you’ve had to go through all this. 😦
    Your coach sounds like an ass,by the way! It was absolutely justified to fire such an idiot…

  4. Thanks for being so brave and sharing. I didn’t know you played basketball in high school! As a fellow bball player and a Coach the thought of a high school coach asking his/her girls to make a food journal is sickening. That is crossing the line. Unfortunately it doesn’t take something that drastic to make young girls start thinking, “omg…am I fat?”

    I remember in high school my coach, who I love dearly, said jokingly to me I need to “take care of this” (and pointed at my tummy) if I wanted to improve my game. I had gained weight which had in turn made me a little slower, but the way he said it and what he said started something that stuck with me for a long time. Even though he was joking, like your friend’s FB comment, it still hurt.

    Take Away: choose your words carefully because they could change someone’s life…for the better or for the worse.

  5. Wow! You are such a strong person! I loved reading your story and am SO glad that you have been able to overcome that!

    This coach that tracked your eating is seriously sick ! That is awful to such young, beautiful girls like you!

  6. My story is kind of similar in a way! I can remember the specific night that I felt really awful about myself… it’s so sad. I’m looking forward to hearing the rest!

  7. It’s great that you’re sharing your story. I want to give you a great big hug. Middle school is always a horrible time for people. High school not so much but huge, life changing things happen in those 4 years.

  8. thank you so much for sharing Haley!! Mine kind of started in a similar way….isnt it crazy to look back and see how…impressionable high school girls are?? It’s amazing what one offhand, meant-to-be-harmless comment can do. I’m looking forward to the next installment! πŸ™‚

  9. My parents got my high school basketball coach kicked out after I left…I know how you feel. The actions of people we look up to and respect really affect us

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