Hey guys! So I mentioned on the About Me page that I dealt with an eating disorder but that’s just about where I left it. One day I will write a post about my past but at this point, I am so happy that I don’t want to look back on that time in my life. I know a lot of people out there that read health blogs have/had eating disorders and that it can be an uphill battle each and every day. Trust me, I’ve been there and some days I fall back into it. Today, I wanted to share with you guys why life is so much better with an eating disorder. I don’t know if this will help anybody or not, but it sure will help me to look back on on those days ED start to take over.
You Are Able to Give Back
During our senior year of high school, my best friend and I decided to cut our hair and donate it to Locks of Love. Locks of Love is a great organization that takes hair from people that donated and makes them into wigs for cancer patients. Once summer came, we headed to the hair salon and chopped off our locks. I cut off 10 inches. I was so happy in my decision to do such a great thing for those less fortunate. Doing such an unselfish thing made me realize just how precious life is and just how important life is. During my eating disorder, I could care less about life. The only thing that I wanted was to be “perfect” and “skinny.” Now, I would chop my hair off for those cancer patients again in a heartbeat. Life is too precious.
Working Out Is So Much More Fun
During my eating disorder, I would workout because it burned calories. As long as I was constantly moving (tapping my foot, walking around, etc), I was happy because that meant I was burning more calories. I would never look at exercise as a way for me to feel better, happier, healthier. In fact, I would hate working out because I would feel so tired and worn out due to the fact I wasn’t fueling my body. A typical day would include 2-3 hours of working out. By the end of that work out, all I would want to do was sleep and gain enough energy for my next workout. Now, I actually enjoy working out. I enjoy moving my body. I enjoy the way I feel afterwards. I even enjoy those days I take off. It took me awhile to come to this point of actually enjoying exercise but I have never been happier. Now, I workout when I want, if I want, and how I want. All because I want to. Not because my ED wants me to.
You Are Able to Actually Enjoy Food
As we all know, an ED makes you hate food. You hate when you have to eat. Then you hate when you finally do eat. During my ED, I loved the feeling of my stomach eating itself. It made me feel in control. Like I was becoming skinny at that very moment. Now, I cannot stand that feeling. I feel like my muscles are eating each other. Without an ED, I am able to enjoy foods, to savor them, to like them. Nut butters, bread, coconut, chicken, olive oil, sweet potatoes. All those foods were on my “fear foods” list. Now, I cannot imagine my life without them. I mean, a day with purely vegetables and fruit may work for some people, but not this girl!
Outings Are So Much More Fun
A typical day while I had my ED included: working out, eating, counting the calories I ate, working out, sleeping, looking at food I wish I could have been eating, and more sleeping. I could never work up the energy to hang out with my family or friends. I would have much rather spent my time working out or looking up food stuff. Ever since I have let go of my ED, I have never been happier to hang out with the people around me. Even the little outings are fun. And I noticed that when I’m having fun, so do the people around me. They’re not worrying about me anymore. They’re enjoying themselves. And I enjoy myself too.
Life Basically Becomes Way Better
I can’t even put into words how much I have been loving life. I love waking up every morning, going to class, meeting new people, eating good food, working out, doing homework, and basically every other possible thing. During my ED, I was so depressed that as much as I hate to say this now, I contemplated taking my own life. Now, I am so happy that I never followed through with those horrible thoughts. I ❤ life! And you know what…Life ❤ me too!
I hope this helped somebody out there! Just remember…
YOU ARE IMPORTANT. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE SPECIAL. YOU ARE YOU!
Don’t you ever ever everrrr forget that.
If anybody wants to talk or has any questions, feel free to email me: firstname.lastname@example.org
Have a beautiful rest of the day and remember just how special you and your life really is ❤
(p.s. I am working on my eating disorder story. It will probably end up being 3 parts…so stay tuned.)